February's Fun Farsical Favors

[RevRay]

I noticed that no one had started a thread for February's humor, so I decided to be pro-active ... just saying!

[GROTMAN]

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.

She asked if she might have a bath, but; the woman of the house told her they didn't
have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.


The girl then agreed she would have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and
watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.

She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next
Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.

I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do
you shave?"


"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"


"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was most generously
endowed in the hair department .




The girl finished her bath and went to bed.




Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Well, did you see ?"




"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why are you worried about that?" she said.
"You've seen it often enough."




"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!"

[CJB]

Shot bourbon and ginger ale out of my nose!

[340pd]

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?"

[muggsy]

The other day I was trying to teach my grandson how to fly a kite, but I was having trouble getting the kite up in the air. My wife yelled out the window, "You need more tail." Just like a woman, the other night she told me to go fly a kite.

[wyntrout]

[TheTman]

Hillary launches a new perfume:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLsMLqusd-Q

[GROTMAN]

[wyntrout]

***********************************

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger. Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it – Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’.

And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’

[wyntrout]

Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.

“Sixty is the WORST age to be,” said the sixty-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee. But most of the time, nothing happens!”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the seventy-year-old man. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have bowel movements anymore.”

“You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day but NOTHING happens!”

Then the oldest of the three men chimed in.

“Actually,” said the eighty-year-old man, “Eighty is the WORST age of all!”

The sixty-year-old man asked, “Do you have trouble peeing too?”

“Oh no. I pee like a racehorse every morning at 6:00 A.M.,” the 80-year-old man replied.

The seventy-year-old man asked, “Do you have a problem having a bowel movement?”

“Oh no, no, no. I have one every morning at 6:30 A.M. religiously,” the 80-year-old man replied.

Baffled by this, the sixty-year-old said, “Let’s get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 A.M. and you poop every morning at 6:30 A.M. So what’s so hard about being eighty-years-old?”

“Well, I don’t wake up until 7 A.M.!”

**************************

[kenemoore]

Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery, but had nothing to wipe with.
One use her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said
"No more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties!"
The other husband said " You think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack, that read
from all of us at the fire station...We will never forget you!

[kenemoore]

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject the Navy fighter pilot finally regained consciousness in a hospital in agonizing pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and an absolutely stunning, gorgeous, and sexy nurse hovering over him looking worried. He realized he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot but also a sailor she spoke to him softly and slowly enunciating each word;
"You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply; ‘'Can I feel your t*ts?"
That my friends is a real positive attitude.

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]

[340pd]