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In my little section of the swampland, we do have a sort of mixed race of rag tag community.
I'm not drawin' distinctions, but we got an M&M's bag of folks here. I been trying to tag the little blue M&M with the cute eyes for a while now, but I digress.
I'm coming down the 2nd to last road to the plantation here, after work, and lo and behold, I see a new lookin' 2015 or 2016 BMW 3 Series stuck with one wheel in the ditch, barely touching the dirt, and the wheel still spinning in reverse, with plenty of smoke flying off the tire. The driver's door is open, and the seat is empty.
So, I stop and try to see what the trouble is... nobody there at first, then, three dark brown M&M's come up out of the ditch carrying a broken skateboard and a little piece of rotted lumber.
They said it was their car, and they got stuck trying to turn around, since they were lost. The accents were heavy Creole. So I told em I had a tow rope in my Ranger, and I thought I could pull the little Reichswagon out for 'em.
They hook up the rope, (and the wheel is still turning, btw) and I hook up to my tail end and with one nice clean snatch, its out and somehow, they applied the brake and didn't back into me. All is well yes?
No. They drove it straight back into the ditch.
Can I pull it out again?
By this time, I knew I had no garden variety dark brown M&M's on my hands, but the special "peanut" (brained) M&M's.
Oh, I can pull it out, first time free, this time $50
They yelled. I gathered up my rope. They yelled more, and waved some cash.
I took two twenties and a ten, and it was deja vu all over again.
We unhooked, and the deja vu didn't stop.... yes, the peanut brained dark brown M&M's drove that little silver Beemer right back into the same hole. I could not contain myself any longer, called 'em a bunch of dumb F'n dark brown M&M's, and said this time its $100 just on account of your stupidity.
More yelling. I gathered the rope, touched the PM45 in my pocket, and felt very pleasantly in charge of this situation. The oldest, grey haired dark brown M&M came to me, said they only had $50 more between them all, and he admitted their stupid ways, but the one M&M was expected at the hospital, as his light brown M&M was gonna drop a little butternut at any moment.
I took the $50. I then said WAIT. We unhooked. I locked my Ranger, and climbed into the driver's seat of the BreakMyWindow, and drove it into the middle of the road. I wasn't taking chances on another free tow. The inside of that Beemer smelt like road kill, mixed with tripe and burnt rubber. Just sayin.
Funny thing was my tow rope is now totally covered with oil on the end that was on the KrautKar. I dunno... those boys mighta punched a little hole in something like ... brake line... or differential?
Either way... I got the dough, they got out. All's well in CJB-land.
And... I half expect the cops to be knockin' on doors asking about a stolen BMW. But again I digress.
I'm not drawin' distinctions, but we got an M&M's bag of folks here. I been trying to tag the little blue M&M with the cute eyes for a while now, but I digress.
I'm coming down the 2nd to last road to the plantation here, after work, and lo and behold, I see a new lookin' 2015 or 2016 BMW 3 Series stuck with one wheel in the ditch, barely touching the dirt, and the wheel still spinning in reverse, with plenty of smoke flying off the tire. The driver's door is open, and the seat is empty.
So, I stop and try to see what the trouble is... nobody there at first, then, three dark brown M&M's come up out of the ditch carrying a broken skateboard and a little piece of rotted lumber.
They said it was their car, and they got stuck trying to turn around, since they were lost. The accents were heavy Creole. So I told em I had a tow rope in my Ranger, and I thought I could pull the little Reichswagon out for 'em.
They hook up the rope, (and the wheel is still turning, btw) and I hook up to my tail end and with one nice clean snatch, its out and somehow, they applied the brake and didn't back into me. All is well yes?
No. They drove it straight back into the ditch.
Can I pull it out again?
By this time, I knew I had no garden variety dark brown M&M's on my hands, but the special "peanut" (brained) M&M's.
Oh, I can pull it out, first time free, this time $50
They yelled. I gathered up my rope. They yelled more, and waved some cash.
I took two twenties and a ten, and it was deja vu all over again.
We unhooked, and the deja vu didn't stop.... yes, the peanut brained dark brown M&M's drove that little silver Beemer right back into the same hole. I could not contain myself any longer, called 'em a bunch of dumb F'n dark brown M&M's, and said this time its $100 just on account of your stupidity.
More yelling. I gathered the rope, touched the PM45 in my pocket, and felt very pleasantly in charge of this situation. The oldest, grey haired dark brown M&M came to me, said they only had $50 more between them all, and he admitted their stupid ways, but the one M&M was expected at the hospital, as his light brown M&M was gonna drop a little butternut at any moment.
I took the $50. I then said WAIT. We unhooked. I locked my Ranger, and climbed into the driver's seat of the BreakMyWindow, and drove it into the middle of the road. I wasn't taking chances on another free tow. The inside of that Beemer smelt like road kill, mixed with tripe and burnt rubber. Just sayin.
Funny thing was my tow rope is now totally covered with oil on the end that was on the KrautKar. I dunno... those boys mighta punched a little hole in something like ... brake line... or differential?
Either way... I got the dough, they got out. All's well in CJB-land.
And... I half expect the cops to be knockin' on doors asking about a stolen BMW. But again I digress.
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