October Observations

[Armybrat]

Donations, Please...
Dear Friends, I have the distinguished honor of being an International Member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D. C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Barack Obama, who never told the truth, because frankly, Hillary never could tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money ... magnificent to say the least!

[Cymerej]

Lol. Terrific.

[Cymerej]

Just make sure wherever you put her there isn't a glass ceiling....

[jeepster09]

Matrix for finding a wife.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGvx...ature=youtu.be

[jeepster09]

signs, signs

---

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ:

"We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."

AT AN OPTOMETRIST’S OFFICE:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

ON A PLUMBER’S TRUCK:
"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay..."

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

In a ChicagoRadiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - this truck is full of Political Promises."

[wyntrout]

Good ones, Jeepster!

[Armybrat]

As always, the Jeepster comes in for the win!

[drw]

-I am in .....here do I send the check???

[kenemoore]

A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

[jeepster09]

Liberal slant on the news....

Harley rider is going by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have? The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

[wyntrout]

USAF and Navy pilots meet!

[AIRret]

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!! A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to hisSunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. · The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. · The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. · The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. · The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol . . . . . .. Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke . .Dead! Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead!. Fourth worm in good clean soil . . Alive?! The Minister asked the congregation, "So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service!

[Bawanna]

I didn't see that one a coming.

[GROTMAN]

Good ones wynn and AIRet

This isn't on the same level but made me grin..

[jeepster09]

Lol....good ones.