March Mayhem

[wyntrout]

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. So talented that he can play any musical instrument in the world.

He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.


A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays up his $50.


Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays up his $50.


Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?”


The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”

[340pd]

A 'Republican' is Sitting in a Bar

A union boss walks in from the factory next door and is about to order
a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a TRUMP
“Make America Great Again” cap with two beers sitting in front of him.

The union boss doesn’t need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is
a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that
everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not
for the 'Republican'."

Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a
big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud
voice.

This infuriates the 'Union Boss'.

After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks
for everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn’t seem to
bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank
you!"

A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of
drinks for everyone except the Republican.

Just as before, this STILL doesn't seem to faze the Republican who
continues smiling and again yells out, "Thank you!!"

Frustrated that he can’t seem to get the guy angered, the union boss
asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I’ve ordered
three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the
dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?"

"Nope," replies the bartender."He owns the place."

ADVICE TO DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS AND ALL LEFTIES:
WHEN YOUR HORSE DIES, IT’S TIME TO DISMOUNT.

[Bawanna]

I love that one.