February's Fabulous Fixations and Frivolities.

[jlottmc]

My town is so small....
If you dial a wrong number, you still wind up talking for a half hour.


My town is so small...
The "Wecome to our town" sign says the same thing on both sides.


It's so small...
People only buy the newpaper to see if it got the story correct.

The little town my wife is from really is like that. They're all cousins and such up there. Don't even think about asking how to get somewhere, or who some one else is either.

[OldLincoln]

In 1963, I got lost in London. I was holding a map trying to find where I was and how to get to London Tower. A very beautiful woman asked where I was looking for. I told her I wanted to see the sights and she said "I'm not doing anything this afternoon, why don't I show you around."

She was wonderful not only showing me the locations but giving me the history of all we saw. We had a delightful afternoon and I saw more than I ever expected. BTW, no kissey stuff, just thank you.

Very big town, very nice people (IN 1963!). Not the same in 1986!

[jlottmc]

Ok I read this story once before, and now I have video to link to to. Only thing I will say is how? http://forums.officer.com/showthread...ncealed-method

[jlottmc]

On second thought I'm not sure I want to know, but then again. One things for sure some one wouldn't have to fear the bubba visit. The phrase throwing a hotdog down a hallway comes to mind.

[Bawanna]

I think a demo with tinmans top heavy wife would be beneficial for educational purposes of course.

[jeepster09]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[jocko]

lolrotflmao

[jeepster09]

Sheep herding.....on a budget!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeuL5IGimCQ

[MW surveyor]

Well, that brought on a smile

[jeepster09]

Ed wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.

One day Ed got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Ed said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boy friend says, "Tell him $200, and you pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Half hour goes by, the boyfriend is still waiting for her to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls her and asks, "What happened...?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all dimes!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

[Tinman507]

The Pope and President Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their
hearts and they'll forever speak of this Day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little Wave of your hand....Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him Off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there
was happiness throughout the land!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Tinman507]

Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.


However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words
while they waited:


'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people'.

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived, said the politician'. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession'.
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late

[JFootin]

Another good one, Tinman!

[skiflydive]

There are Dads and then there are Dads

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRrUcM_DI2s

[Tinman507]

OUT F***IN Standing!!!!

Man, do I EVER empthasize with that video!!