Humor

[jeepster09]

"Indian ana" I think....

[jeepster09]

And he did it without a pressure cooker. I don't know where that place is but I'm pretty certain I don't want to go there or anywhere near it.

Is this you at your part time job?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3uA-uE_zZ4

[Bawanna]

No but I know the guy. Owes us for about half a dozen speeding tickets, runs a little repair shop here in town, used to live down the hill from me, haven't seen him lately, might have moved.

I've spent many many a night at that race track. I pit crewed several years, raced motorcycles in another part of that fairgrounds. Raced Modified Sprint cars, watched alot of figure 8 and helped on some foreign stockers too.

Aww the good ole days.

Actually I take all that back, that video is Spanky, I know Mr. Dizzy. That was a good program they played a few times, I happened to catch it. Spanky, Dizzy, and Dr ??? crap what was the other dudes name.

Spanky is a wild man that one, jumped off that high building day after he got out of the hospital after a head on stunt goof. Wild man for sure.

[jocko]

[read with an Italian accent]
One day I'm'a gonna New York to big'a hotel. In'a morning I go to eat'a breakfast. I tell'a waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She bring me one piss. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss on'a my plate. She say you better not piss on'a plate, you son'a ma beech. I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma beech.
Later I go to eat at the big'a restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fokk. I tell'a her I wanna fokk. She tell'a me everyone wanna fokk. I tell'a her you no understand. I wanna fokk on the table. She say better not fokk on the table, you son'a ma beech. I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma beech.
So I go to room'a in'a hotel and there is no sheits on'a my bed. I call'a the manager and tell'a him I wanna sheit. He tell'a me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on'a my bed. He say you better not sheit on'a bed, you son'a ma beech. I dont even know the man and he call'a me sonna ma beech.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say "Peace on you". I say piss on you too, you son'a ma beech. I gonna go back to Italy. Just sayin

[jocko]

A bus stops and two obviously Italian-type men muggio and bawanna get on. They seat
themselves, and engage in animated conversation.The lady sitting behind
them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanised
when she
hearsone of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses., they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I pee twice. Then I
come once more."
"You foul-mouthed wop swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country, we dont talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey cool down lady," said the man. "I was only tellin' my
friend here how to spell Mississippi."

[Bawanna]

Good one.

[jocko]

ONE MORE




Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A. Do you think they could fit all that **** in a tennis shoe?

Q. How does an Italian count his goats?
A. He just counts the legs, and divides by four.

Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?
A. Usually through the skylight.

Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?
A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Pollack?
A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand.

Q. How do you kill an Italian?
A. Smash the toilet seat on the back of his head when he is getting a drink.

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.
Q. How did they advertise surplus W. W. II Italian rifles for sale?
A. "Never fired, and only dropped once."

Q. Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottomed boats?
A. So they can steer clear of the old Italian Navy.

Q. Why is Italian bread so long?
A. So they can dip it into the sewer.

Q. How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
A. One Mary, one Jesus, and 32 Wise guys.

Q. Who really killed John F. Kennedy?
A. Two hundred Italian sharpshooters.

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags?
A. So Italians can go window shopping.

Q. What s an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.

Q. Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A. When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads

[jocko]

ol jocko on his scooter asking for time






www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhWeiI6Unyc

[jocko]

Don't you just LOVE Italian lawyers?

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money? The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido signs back, "OK.! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just LOVE Italian lawyers?

[garyb]

Nothing like a good laugh.

[jocko]

are

Nothing like a good laugh.

u lookin in a mirror??? Just sayin


Q: How can you tell if an Italian is in the Mafia?
A: His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

Q: What is a four-letter word in Italian for goodbye?
A: "BANG

[garyb]

(With an Italian Accent) I no look in a mirror...I a takin a P

[yqtszhj]

Jocko, I've been laughing so hard my head hurts.

[rjt123]

Humor

One of my favorite Far Side cartoons...

[IMG]ImageUploadedByTapatalk1383191314.173068.jpg[/IMG]


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[OldLincoln]

Navajo Wisdom
One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the
space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who
spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son
translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys
in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that
they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his
son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all
excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the
astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw
one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts
said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape
recorder.

The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were
brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would
translate what his father had said. The son listened to
the recording and laughed, but he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo
village and played it for other members of the tribe. They
too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate
the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, an official government translator was summoned.
After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the
message:

"Watch out for these pricks. They have come to steal your
land."