Humor

[garyb]

Famous $ Bill Humor pg 1

Famous Men on Dollar Bills

[garyb]

Famous $ Bill Humor pg 2

Now go to page 3 for the last of our famous bills.

[garyb]

They may have got the value wrong, but the placement is appropriate.

[garyb]

Relief

I don't care who you are...now that's relieving!

[Tinman507]

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college in Montana. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue, how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue into that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000," the young cowboy says, "and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy again calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm." he says. "But you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father. "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?’

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a ***** before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school and now serves in Washington, D.C., as a Congressman.

[GROTMAN]

Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do." says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go." "I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!" Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Nancy Peloisi and a large pool of hot, boiling water. she kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was her fate in hell. "No!' said Obama. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer!" The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George Bush, with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day." The Devil opened the third door. In it, Obama saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to Go!"

[garyb]

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wanted him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and

Proclaims, .. 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new

Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport

their children!'

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher

stays, ..I will give him sex!'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs.Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his

forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side,

while his wife replies, 'Well , I just asked my husband how we could help,

and he said,......'Screw him!'

Isn't senility wonderful?

[Tinman507]

[jocko]

that photo makes me vomit. and to think most of all of them think it is areal honor to have their photo taken with that pr!ck. And the Bengazi queen sits there smuck as a b!tch could be.

[garyb]

Well said Jocko ... Just sayin

[GROTMAN]

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Texas girl are sitting at the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Meh-hee-co, our glasses are so
freakin' cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his mug of O'Doul's, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the mug to pieces. He says, "In my home country of Palestine, we Muslims have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her Colt 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar and calling for a refill, she says, "In Texas, we have so many
damn illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

God Bless TEXAS !

[jocko]

oh I like that one. Just sayin