You can tell 'em June, but don't July (Graphic Contents)

[berettabone]

After a quarrel, my wife said, " You know, I was a fool for marrying you." I said, " I was in love, and didn't notice."

[Southerngunner]

After a quarrel, my wife said, " You know, I was a fool for marrying you." I said, " I was in love, and didn't notice."

I have always been too quick to say what comes into my mind so I probably would have replied"Then you are a bigger fool for not leaving yet"

[GROTMAN]

[GROTMAN]

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."



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In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."

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On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

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On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

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At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet -miss a car payment."

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

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At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

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In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

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And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

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And the best one for last............

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"




"Do not regret growing older.
It is a privilege denied to many."

[Planedude]

My favorite sign was on the door of a long defunct firearms store. It read...

This is a GUN store.
What do you THINK its protected with?

[wyntrout]

Never judge too quickly... #3 almost had me out of my chair rolling on the floor:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v...826342&fref=nf

Wynn

[Bawanna]

I got to go shooting again this morning. Just me an the wife all by ourselves. It was awesome. I'll post some pics an video if I can figure out how when I get home. Wife really loves my CZ452. Shoots it very well. She did very good with her 638 Smith too. Great fun. Shot my Remington 1911 another 100 or so, no issues with hand loads or Winchester SXT carry stuff. Shoots good an no hammer bite at all today. Must have held it different. Never bit but nibbled a few times the first time out.
Played with my birds head Uberti 45 colt and it was happy too. Probably my favorite and it gets better.

Well now off to the beach. 30 yards away. Vacation is hard work and such a busy schedule.

[GROTMAN]

Glad you and your wife are enjoying each other and your trip. Got my wife mad at me again and not sure why?

[Southerngunner]

A few Tidbits of info

As I have grown older :

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,

but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.




Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore…..

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.




Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance
Armstrong,

especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on
drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my f-ing bike.



Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week.

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick bastard!



The Agony of Aging

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my
aging friend.

He was busy covering his ***** with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -

You're supposed to turn your clock back".



VIDEO SCAM

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite
18 Holes".

Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money!

Pass this on so others don't get scammed.



Pregnant Prostitute

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"

"Hey dumb ass, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you
fart?"

[wyntrout]

Watch out for hot brass when you're on the receiving side!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3ee_1406118368

Wynn

[DavidS]

I hear that Colt is coming out with a new pistol in honor of our Senators and Congressmen. It will be called the Legislator. It won't work and you can't fire it.

[GROTMAN]

I hear that Colt is coming out with a new pistol in honor of our Senators and Congressmen. It will be called the Legislator. It won't work and you can't fire it.

Good one..

[kwh]

^ 2nd the motion.

[wyntrout]

Just got this from my buddy:

I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example…one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but then she said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT?! What was that?!"

So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, high-end department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.


Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. But, I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She appeared to be almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear; let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either…


Wynn

[getsome]

LOL!!!....Good one Wynn!!