Fantastic February...

[ltxi]

She isn't tall and isn't a blonde.
-- Max

[kenemoore]

Borrowed this one from an Old Salt Site I visit.


THE MASTER CHIEF AND THE EMAIL!
A Master Chief and his wife stationed at Naval Air Station, Brunswick, Maine decided to go on leave to Florida in January to get out of the cold.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the Master Chief left Brunswick and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The Master Chief checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife to let her know that he arrived safely.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Kansas, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted!
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the email on the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


P.S. Sure is hot down here!

[jeepster09]

Lol...good one!

[jeepster09]

New No Trespassing Sign .....

New No Trespassing Sign ....seems to be working!

[340pd]

Here's another example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:

I just read of a professional, who after 7 yrs of medical school and training, was fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life.

Thoughts and prayers for him and his family. The article says he really is a great guy and a brilliant "veterinarian" !

[dustnchips]

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to ten….. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”
The mother responds, “Very good honey.” The blonde asks, “Is that because I’m a blonde mommy?” And the mother responds, “Yes dear.”
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, “Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! …. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!”
The mother says, “Very good honey.” The blonde then asked. “Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” The mother responds, “Yes dear.”
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?”
 And the mother responds, “No Honey, it’s because you’re twenty five.”



During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners and asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.”

[dustnchips]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, �You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.’ The Irishman replies, �Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.
�The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, �I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.’
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. �Oh, no, � he says, �Everyone is fine. I’ve just quit drinking!

[dustnchips]

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.
One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” And the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, “Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]

Check out the preceding photo.

[wyntrout]

A close up.

[mr surveyor]

looks like my (actually my wife's) cat


jd

[wyntrout]

[340pd]

Speaking of cats,

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less Valentine panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband sipping a glass of wine.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs wide enough that her husband asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

[wyntrout]

A lesser known work of Norman Rockwell... "Cat Prevents Housefire".