HoHoHo....it's December...

[ltxi]

Perfectly describes how I today feel about life! Thank you!

[jeepster09]

Navy Cooks

---

An admiral visited one of the ships of the line under his command.
While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.
He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.
The Chief replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia."
Horrified, the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"
The Chief shrugs and replies, "Well, if that's the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."

[jeepster09]

I can relate....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=M57__OyMCfI

[berettabone]

An elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young couple all wanted to join the same church. The pastor met with them and explained, "We have a requirement to join the church. You must abstain from sex for 2 weeks". They all nodded in agreement. 2 weeks later the pastor finds the elderly couple. He inquires, "So, did you abstain from sex for 2 weeks?" "Oh yes", the man said, "It was no trouble". "Wonderful", the pastor said, "you'll be able to join the church". The pastor then tracks down the middle aged couple. "So, did you manage to abstain from sex?" "It was very difficult, and the second week, I had to sleep downstairs all week just to make it, but we were successful". "Wonderful" the pastor exclaimed, "You'll now be able to join the church!" He looks and looks and finally finds the young couple. "So, did you manage to abstain from sex?" The young man says, "We were doing so well the first few days, but then my wife climbed up a ladder to get a can of paint, and I was staring at her @$$ and we just couldn't help ourselves". The pastor says, "that's very disappointing, and you realize that I cannot allow you to join the church". The guy says, Yeah, I know, we're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either".

[ltxi]

I can relate....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=M57__OyMCfI

Excellent! Thank you!

[BirdsThaWord]

PLEASE keep them coming fellas! And, thanks for the one’s you’ve already posted!!!

[ltxi]

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

[Bawanna]

Gets what?

[ltxi]

Gets what?

Exactly....think on it.

And this was not original with me.....I'm not that deep clever.

Also...saw it superimposed over a picture of Stalin, if that helps.

[jeepster09]

LETTER FROM A FARM KID,
(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING.)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mail box at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.



Your loving daughter,
Caroline

[ltxi]

Excellent!!

[jeepster09]

Santa upgrades to meet FAA rules....

Santa upgrades to meet FAA rules....

[ltxi]

No worries. Santa normally flies under the radar, at about 500 feet AGL.

[getsome]

My neighbor Bob from Chicago moved in last summer and lives alone and is a really nice guy...I talked to him several times and found out he is a huge Cubs and Blackhawks fan (I think that's a hockey team whatever that is) anyway since he didn't have anywhere to go or family to be with on Christmas we invited him over to spend the day and have Christmas dinner with us....Everything was going well until he got a couple drinks in him and started on about how much he missed Chicago and how home sick he was for the Windy City and having snow at Christmas and on and on and on....Finally it became too much and I decided to do something to bring a little Chicago to his day so I shot him in the head 3 times, took his wallet and stole his car.....

[Bawanna]

Another one I didn't see a comin.