February's Fabulous Fixations and Frivolities.

[wyntrout]

Maybe a B00BY-trapped horse head!

Wynn

[DeaconKC]

"There is nothing better than surprise sex when you wake up



unless you're in prison."

[jocko]

LOL, now thats a good one

[Tinman507]

Maybe a B00BY-trapped horse head!

Wynn

[MW surveyor]

What I did in Singapore this week.

OK, gonna try something that might not work. Well dang, it did work!

This is what I was doing in Singapore! This rig weighs 23,000 metric tons and is 330 feet long and 200 feet wide by 300 feet high.

Still here but will be back in the US on Sunday.

[mr surveyor]

how the heck do you fish off that boat?????

sure can't do any bass fishing on the beds!

[MW surveyor]

Heck, you can't even get to the beds with the boat or the rig.

[Bawanna]

Boy you cut a big chunk out of that boat just to make room for that dive platform.

[LaP]

How many skiers does it tow?

[JFootin]

How do you get the platform off the boat when you get to where it is supposed to be deployed? Shoot, how did you get it on there in the first place?

[wyntrout]

It has a helipad! If you can afford that big thing, then a chopper would be cheap!

Wynn

[wyntrout]

Seen 'em before, but still funny!

Wynn

HOW TO START A FIGHT One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as A Christmas gift....
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.



When she asked me why, I replied,


"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started.....


________________________________


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed.


I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'


'No,' she answered.. I then said,


'Is that your final answer?'


She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started...


________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.


The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.


"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."


He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"


"Nah, she can order for herself."


And that's when the fight started.....


_______________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"


"Yes", she sighed,


"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."


"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"


And then the fight started...


________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something
more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
point.


When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only
a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
"When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."


The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.


She asked, "What's on the TV?"


I said, "Dust."


And then the fight started...


________________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.



She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."


I bought her a bathroom scale.


And then the fight started......


______________________________


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security.


The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify
my age.


I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.. I
told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.


The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.


So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.


She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability too.'


And then the fight started...


________________________________


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,


"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.'


I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


And then the fight started........


________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!


The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!


He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'


So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'


That's how the fight started.

[crazymailman]

How do you get the platform off the boat when you get to where it is supposed to be deployed?

That's the easy part, you just sink the boat.

[jocko]

super, LMAOROTF they are great..

[JFootin]

That's the easy part, you just sink the boat.

Well, I thought that might be how it's done. But it looks like the boat would have to be a submarine to dive deep enough to release the platform.