April Warning! Anything goes here! (Within reason!)

[Tinman507]

[JFootin]

I might have to charge up the monster power chair at home and set up a few cones. I'm sure compared to him I'll suck but I'm inspired.

I have a power chair. Use it some around the house, but don't have a way to take it with me, yet. I need more practice with it. It has a joy stick and I am used to a steering wheel. Plus, it has big powered wheels in the middle and 4 small caster wheels in the front and back. And it is not small; it weighs a lot and those small wheels at the corners want to crash into everything. It is like trying to maneuver a bulldozer indoors! I have scrapes on doorframes, scrapes and a couple of holes poked into the seeming balsa wood doors in my apartment. Most of that happened not long after I got it, but I still find it wanting to dart this way and that way instead of going where I intend it to go. And those dang little wheels are always wanting to tangle with something when I am backing up or turning around. Now, I wish I had gotten a rear wheel drive one.

[DeaconKC]

Follow up for Tinman

[jocko]

the reason

obummer has his mouth wide open is that tyhe dancer is Michelle. Just sayin

[Bawanna]

Can't be Michelle, I don't see any vomit on the front of Bush's or the Queens shirts.

Clinton of course would take on a snake if someone held it's head.

[JFootin]

Dave Berry's Colonoscopy

Warning: do not drink anything while reading this unless you want to be replacing your keyboard! This will make you laugh so hard, you'll cry!

http://accidentalamazon.com/dave_barry_colonoscopy.pdf

[jocko]

not sure

Can't be Michelle, I don't see any vomit on the front of Bush's or the Queens shirts.

Clinton of course would take on a snake if someone held it's head.

Bush had ever seen such a Bush either. Just sayin.

[Barth]

I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning!

Stressed out? Politics got you down? Things just don't seem right in the world?
Dr. Barth prescribes Open Fire with two weapons and smile in the morning!
Rented a Kimber Super Carry Custom: Two FTFs in 100. But crazy accurate.


Then the only other guy at the range had some high cap (15?) 10mm that made the Kimber 45 sound like a 22 lr.
I was forced to rock the house rapid fire with my 10.5" barreled, 30 round, 5.56 NATO Suchka.
I think my puppy made that 10mm sad - LOL! Rule Number One: There's always a bigger dog.

[getsome]

Thanks for that JFootin, I needed that today.....I love Dave Barry and his pal Carl Hiaasen who both were editorial writers for the Miami Herald Newspaper before becoming novelist....Both Dave and Carl are some of the funniest writers I have ever read anywhere....

Carl Hiaasen has a recurring character in his books nicknamed "Skink" who lives in the Everglades naked and eats roadkill...Skink's real name is Clinton Tyree and his former job was Governor of Florida who one day had enough of political life and gets out of his limo on the Interstate during a traffic jam and disappears into the Glades never to be seen again.....Reminds me very much of Jocko........Read Hiaasen's "Double Whammy" and you will be hooked....

I think Dave Barry still has a column with the Miami Herald but not sure but he also has many books out that are absolutely hilarious....

[DeaconKC]

It was the funeral of a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke and the pastor’s benediction was drowned out by the blinding flash of lighting, followed by terrific thunder. “Well, at least we know she got there all right,” commented her husband.

[GROTMAN]

OLD BILL SEEMS TO GET AROUND..

[OldLincoln]

No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is .......FUNNY!
Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory: (link dead)

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research: (link dead)
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

[JFootin]

Good one, OldBuddy! I wonder about the reply from Harry Reid's office, though...

[wyntrout]

Got this today:

Subject: Romance, thought of the day

Wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your
smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me
a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”



The husband, typically non-romantic,
replied, “I’m on the commode. Please advise."




Wynn

[GROTMAN]

Sorry if the language is a little offensive..and I'm sure the mods will remove it if it is but gotta love the thought..