Humor

[yqtszhj]

Nah... to show the armadillo!

HAH! Exactly what I was thinking.

[wyntrout]

A few months ago, one of those stupid armadillos tried to throw himself under my wheels. I was able to steer and straddle the sucker... without a thump. I was amazed, because it happened so fast... and not on a fast road, but one in our neighborhood with a 30-MPH speed limit.

I've never hit one of those, but I've gotten numerous birds, a rabbit, maybe a squirrel and at least one cat, though the latter got under my wheel as I was pulling out of parking. My wife has gotten as many or more... and I was proud of her for taking out a jackrabbit at 90+ mph instead of wrecking our car and maybe killing us trying to avoid the stupid jackrabbit that froze... sitting fully upright in the center of our lane as we were side-by-side in a pass with the car we were overtaking. We talked about situations like that a lot and I've told her many times to maintain control of the vehicle and run them over if a small steering adjustment can't be done safely. She said she remembered what I told her to do and just gripped the wheel and plowed straight ahead... kerchunk! I was really scared that she was going to spin the wheel as they do in the movies, and real life sometimes, and cause a bad accident. No damage to my Audi. The rabbit had to have hit the strongest piece of steel under the car... a cross member/beam thingy between the wheels.

We have lots of armadillos down here and still see lots along the roads and streets. I made it really hard for the danged things to get in our backyard and haven't seen one back there since I buried 4x4's under the gates and blocked other points in our fence that they used to crawl through. Dang!

I had better get the dishes in the washer and fire that off. It has been several hours since we ate!

Wynn

[kenemoore]

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: " You want two lanes or four on that bridge ? "

[kwh]

^ Amen^

[downtownv]

Well done gentleman!

[DavidS]

I always swerve for armadillos.
My reactions must be slow, so far I haven't been able to hit one.

[kenemoore]

MY VISIT TO A MUSLIM BOOKSTORE
I was walking through the mall, and saw that there was a “Muslim Book Store.” I was wondering what exactly was in a “Muslim Book Store” so I went on in.
I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me, I imagine I didn’t look like his normal clientele.
So I asked for a copy of the U.S. Immigration Policy Book regarding Muslims.
The Clerk said, “F**k off, get out, and stay out!”
I said, “Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback?”

[GROTMAN]

There will be closures tomorrow on I-64 across Virginia, West Virginia and Kentucky.



A 200-ton lump of coal is being transported from a mine in western Virginia to

Mount Rushmore National Memorial at Keystone, South Dakota, so sculptors

can add President Barack Obama to the memorial.



This is appropriate as President Obama has stated that he believes himself

to be the fourth greatest president, behind George Washington, Thomas Jefferson

and Abraham Lincoln , but greater than Theodore Roosevelt.



Sculptors had to settle for coal because they could not find a 200-ton piece of bullshit.

[SlowBurn]

Humor

This is appropriate as President Obama has stated that he believes himself to be the fourth greatest president, behind George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln , but greater than Theodore Roosevelt.

Close, according to this study.
He ranks #5:

[jlottmc]

I always swerve for armadillos.
My reactions must be slow, so far I haven't been able to hit one.

I ramped one on a Harley once, scared the crap outta me and the old man. Worst part was it was none too happy about getting center punched with an 800 pound motorcycle. It charged us, and took rounds to the shell before we flipped it over and shot it.

[OldLincoln]

"Extinction events linked to prehuman global warming

RAPID warming killed many mammoths and other large beasts before humans arrived on the scene, new research shows. "
--------
How about that?!! Musta been all that mammoth flatulence!

[Bobshouse]

"Extinction events linked to prehuman global warming

RAPID warming killed many mammoths and other large beasts before humans arrived on the scene, new research shows. "
--------
How about that?!! Musta been all that mammoth flatulence!

Nice, with the influx of illegal aliens in California, Arizona that helps explain our drought.

[Baklash]

Close, according to this study.
He ranks #5:
[ATTACH]12830[/ATTACH]

OMG! Jimmy Carter came in 4th?????????!!!!!!!!!

[kenemoore]

Parking ticket:


My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with Obama stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!

[kenemoore]