March toward the light(er) side of the month!

[wyntrout]

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’

‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’ What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

[OldLincoln]

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
Aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
Come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
Driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
Thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
Behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
Second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
To unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing
Behind her picked her up easily by the waist
And placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the
Would-be Samaritan
And yelled,
'How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled,
'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
But after you unzipped my fly three times,
I kinda figured we was friends.

[wyntrout]

Good one!

[jocko]

Da ya know how they separate the men from the boys in Greece? With a crowbar.

that first started in Ohio, Kuggsy. I know most Ohio people are either qu7eers or farmers. and you always toldmew you hated farming./.Just sayin

[jocko]

Wife is always talking about getting someone to fix some things around the house. I think I'm about ready to go for it ..

I gotta tellyouy Grotman, those are the nicest5 cheeks I have seen in Years. Just sayin

[yqtszhj]

Ass is too fat....

But I bet she is well balanced in the front to counter it, but you wouldn't like that either, huh?

[kenemoore]

She could eat crackers in my bed anytime.

[Bawanna]

Man I'd like to have that cordless sawzall. fella could cut the world in half with a tool like that and a few spare batteries.

[GROTMAN]

When a cartoon becomes reality...






And he suffered the same fate as Wile E. Coyote did every time he tried to drive through those damn things.

According to Mirror, a man attempting to drive his Fiat through what he was thought was a tunnel instead crashed his car because it turned out to be a painting of a tunnel on a wall.

[muggsy]

Yesterday I went out to the golf course just to check on course conditions. They have a new girl running the snack bar who is drop dead gorgeous with a body that just won't quit. So I asked her, "IF I was forty years younger would she make mad passionate love to me all night?" Humoring me she responded, "Why of course darling." So then I said, "How 'bout if I just lie about my age?" I've been banned from the course for a month.

[getsome]

Looks like Obummer picked up a few extra passengers on Air Force One when leaving that wonderful communist paradise called Cuba.

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/hund...-one-fli-52616

[jocko]

Man I'd like to have that cordless sawzall. fella could cut the world in half with a tool like that and a few spare batteries.

what sawsall?? Just sayin

[jocko]

Yesterday I went out to the golf course just to check on course conditions. They have a new girl running the snack bar who is drop dead gorgeous with a body that just won't quit. So I asked her, "IF I was forty years younger would she make mad passionate love to me all night?" Humoring me she responded, "Why of course darling." So then I said, "How 'bout if I just lie about my age?" I've been banned from the course for a month.

seems like ur good at getting banned, Kust sayin. You should follow ol jocko's example and clean up ur fokkin act.

[GROTMAN]

[QUOTE=getsome;365296]Looks like Obummer picked up a few extra passengers on Air Force One when leaving that wonderful communist paradise called Cuba.



Before take off...

BHO prepares to leave Cuba

[GROTMAN]

I gotta tellyouy Grotman, those are the nicest5 cheeks I have seen in Years. Just sayin

your just looking in the wrong kind of "pastures." BTW.. welcome back.