Fantastic February...

[340pd]

President Trump gets a late night phone call

[Bawanna]

I love that so much!

[wyntrout]

[ltxi]

I love that so much!

x2...

[dustnchips]

A young couple Cynthia and Scott were on their honeymoon and were staying at a five-star hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and Cynthia donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon noticed that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As they were the only ones in the pool, Cynthia and Scott would laugh and playfully retrieve the bikini from the pool’s bottom.
That evening they dressed swell for dinner and headed to their hotel’s stylish restaurant, where they were seated next to a huge aquarium. Strangely, the aquarium was devoid of any aquatic life.
When the Cynthia asked their waitress why the aquarium had no fish in it, she smiled broadly and said, “That’s not an aquarium young lady…that’s the swimming pool!”

[dustnchips]

In the week before Independence Day, Rico, an extremely poor farmer won the sweepstakes. (a million dollar) So to celebrate, he treated his wife and their children to a trip to see the Labor Day parade in New York.
He booked them rooms in the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. They’d never been to anywhere like New York before, in fact they’d never traveled further afield than their town, so when they got there they were completely bowled over by all the glitz, glamor and excitement of the “Big Apple”.
Rico and his son Saul were particularly mesmerized by a shiny box with golden walls in the hotel reception. They’d never before come across doors that could move apart, and then automatically close again, as neither had seen a lift before. So they were totally amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the doors closed on her. The lights on the wall by the doors flashed for a minute or so, then the doors opened and out stepped a hot young woman.
Rico turned to Saul and said, “Son, go get your mother.”

[wyntrout]

Did you know?

[jeepster09]

Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at
night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop. The woman in the
back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur, "You
get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is
dead, but it appeared to be very old. Well, says the bitchy woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over
there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full
belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king,
and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them,
"I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

[jeepster09]

While riding my bike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess."

[Armybrat]

Jocko?

[Armybrat]

For some odd reason I have the strong urge to munch on a burger...

[jeepster09]

That's what I was thinking...

[jeepster09]

The Preacher's Son

---

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time
the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. One day,
while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an
experiment.

He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible
2. A silver dollar
3. A bottle of whiskey
4. A Playboy magazine.

“I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself.
"When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he
picks up.”

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be!

"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man and that
would be okay, too.

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken
bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.


“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as
he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy
tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he
spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he
walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.

He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.

He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the
magazine's centerfold.

“Lord have mercy," the old preacher whispered. "He's gonna run for
Congress.”

[Armybrat]

^^^ Oh so accurate!

[dustnchips]

Florencia who plays cards once a month with a desperate group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 1 AM.
One night, after the card game she decided to try not to arouse him. Florencia undressed in the living room and, handbag over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.
“Damn it woman!” he screamed. “Did you lose everything !?”