Hey it's November already......

[jeepster09]

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine , and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex..*
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

[ltxi]

Oh, yeah...I'm down with this. Multiple btdt. Current wife and I are skipping #6 by mutual agreement. At least #7 is something of an improvement....as long as she doesn't read any of this.

[johnh]

Where is the one for "you just bought your wife some roses so..."

[JFootin]

Bud's has the Glock 19 with 3 15 rd mags and a range bag on sale for $527 with free shipping. Sound like a good deal.

https://www.budsgunshop.com/catalog/...s_id/411546851

[ltxi]

Where is the one for "you just bought your wife some roses so..."

That would be sub bullets that end somewhere not too far past the onset of number 3..ime; multiple.

[jeepster09]

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield...........

Because he said ....


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

MY FAVORITE:

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.












=

[jeepster09]

Got these from my friend in Canada. Thought you

might get a kick out of them. He just got back from visiting friends in Ireland.





Married Men:


At a wedding party recently and just after the floral boquet had

been thrown to the single ladies, someone called out for: "All the married men

please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth

living."

The bartender was crushed to death.

--

Amusing

passage from a letter from Ireland:

"Your uncle Patrick drowned last week

in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save

him, but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to

put out the fire."

Also from the same page, Obituary:

Pat Murphy,

who worked at the Molson Brewing Plant in Montreal has passed away. Apparently

while working on one of the large vats of ale, he lost his footing, and fell

into the vat, thereby drowning. His widow, when asked if it was a quick

death, replied "Not that quick. He had to climb out of the vat twice to

pee!"

--

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a

question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of

the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a

large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the

cab, and then still shaking the driver said Ï'm sorry but you scared the

daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver

and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so

much.

"No, no, I'm sorry, it is entirely my fault. Today is my first day

driving a cab....I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

[O'Dell]

Bud's has the Glock 19 with 3 15 rd mags and a range bag on sale for $527 with free shipping. Sound like a good deal.

https://www.budsgunshop.com/catalog/...s_id/411546851

If it was $5.27 I don't think I'd buy a Glock.

[TheTman]

A little ditty from Ray Stevens: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBOMj...eature=related

[TheTman]

She's right why work in America?
http://kartalk.pccomps.com/Parasites.wmv
I wish they'd find some white people to speak up like this, I'm afraid this makes me look racist. I know whites abuse the system as much as anyone else.

[340pd]

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

[LaP]

jeepster:

Here's one more from Rodney:

The first time I had sex, I was really scared.
I was all alone!

[jeepster09]

He was awesome!

[jeepster09]

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug),
which came in a little white box
to use for his house.

He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to church with him.

So he asked the centipede
in the box,
"Would you like to go
to church with me today?
We will have a good time."

But there was no answer
from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
to church with me
and receive blessings?"

But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.

The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.

This timehe
put his face up against
the centipede ' s house and shouted,
"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go
to
church with me
and learn about God?"
.....

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ......

This time,
a little voice
came out of the box,

"I heard you the first time!

I ' m putting my shoes on!"

[LaP]

Did he go to church or not?

These new fangled jokes have me all confused.