Dear Dietrich

[Bawanna]

I'll surely try it. Do you reckon it's retroactive for all the loot I'm already out?

[CJB]

Dear Dietrich,
When I rode my Harley from Jupiter to Okeechobee a few weeks ago, the love bugs were out, and #@$@#$ they were ALL flying straight at me (east) as I headed west. I thought I'd be in luck, and have the bugs at my back on my return ride east... but wouldn't ya know it? Them bugs turned tail and was heading west when I was goin' east.

How did they know to turn around and torment an old greybeard like me??

[yqtszhj]

I'll surely try it. Do you reckon it's retroactive for all the loot I'm already out?

I would give it a try. Be real subtle give the future son in law the reciepts and tell him that repayment any time in the next 30 days will be fine.

Also tell him because you like him you'll fill him in by telling him that not many people know this but the penalty for failing to repay promptly results in a secret filipino potion being put into his food or drink that causes the dreaded raisin syndrome to occur to a particular part of his anatomy.

Sorry Dietrich, not trying to hijack your thread here.....

[Dietrich]

Dear Dietrich,
When I rode my Harley from Jupiter to Okeechobee a few weeks ago, the love bugs were out, and #@$@#$ they were ALL flying straight at me (east) as I headed west. I thought I'd be in luck, and have the bugs at my back on my return ride east... but wouldn't ya know it? Them bugs turned tail and was heading west when I was goin' east.

How did they know to turn around and torment an old greybeard like me??

It`s fortunate for you that I happen to have personally seen the department of entomology at NC State University.I used to ride by it every day on my way to the liquor store for mom.Love bugs evolved from a strain of insects that were native to Australia.They therefore do their mating while flying in the same pattern a boomerang travels.You,you poor wretch,got caught up in the going and coming [pun intended] by sheer misfortune.Next time,sit backwards on your Harley while riding that route.The bugs won`t know which way you`re travelling and will stop to try to figure it out,leaving you with much less particulate matter to deal with.Best,Dietrich.

[CJB]

it`s fortunate for you that i happen to have personally seen the department of entomology at nc state university.i used to ride by it every day on my way to the liquor store for mom.love bugs evolved from a strain of insects that were native to australia.they therefore do their mating while flying in the same pattern a boomerang travels.you,you poor wretch,got caught up in the going and coming [pun intended] by sheer misfortune.next time,sit backwards on your harley while riding that route.the bugs won`t know which way you`re travelling and will stop to try to figure it out,leaving you with much less particulate matter to deal with.best,dietrich.

brilliant !!!!!

[Dietrich]

I would give it a try. Be real subtle give the future son in law the reciepts and tell him that repayment any time in the next 30 days will be fine.

Also tell him because you like him you'll fill him in by telling him that not many people know this but the penalty for failing to repay promptly results in a secret filipino potion being put into his food or drink that causes the dreaded raisin syndrome to occur to a particular part of his anatomy.

Sorry Dietrich, not trying to hijack your thread here.....

You,or anyone else for that matter,are welcome to hijack this thread anytime you want.I don`t own it.

[MW surveyor]

Dear Dietrich,

I see that you like to change your sig line from time to time. Is this a deliberate attempt to get your dear readers to snort coke cola onto their keyboards?

Signed,
My nose hurts

[Dietrich]

Dear Dietrich,

I see that you like to change your sig line from time to time. Is this a deliberate attempt to get your dear readers to snort coke cola onto their keyboards?

Signed,
My nose hurts

Dear My Nose Hurts,Not that I`m advocating the use of recreational substances or anything of the sort but when you hear folks talking about snorting coke,they ain`t talking about the soft drink.Don`t fret though,you ain`t the only one who has trouble with Coca Cola around here.Am I missing something or has the Coca Cola bottling company gone back to the original recipe for their "soft drink"?That would explain all this confusion.But as to your question,the answer is hemorrhoid.Best,Dietrich.

[Bawanna]

Dear Dietrich,

More of a report than a question. Your guidance and expertise worked well for me.

I took Friday off to make a 4 day weekend. After all these years I'm starting to act like a government employee.
Anyhow those whole 4 days I was whipped and abused like a step child and worked sunup to sundown in home improvement.
SWMBO made every attempt to nag me to death, son fought me every step of the way in installing the most complicated storm door and window interior wrap I've ever seen. In my construction days he would have been fired the first day. But since he was the only one available to measure and nail the high stuff I was forced to keep him on board. Being close to me for a couple days even though we live in the same house I think he saw first hand what professional nagging and I want more is all about. I think he actually started to show pity on me and became less disagreeable later in the game. Perhaps he thought I was ready to give in and cross the river (I was) and wanted to go out on a positive note. (Although there is no will)
I hurt in places I forgot I had from all the lifting, bending, cussing, and mental frustration and abuse.
But I thought of you and went to my "Happy Place" and took it all in stride.

It did throw a wet blanket on any desire I had to retire any time soon though. At least at work I get abused, and nagged by mindless people very much like SWMBO except I get a little loot for the abuse. Course it matters little since it all goes directly into the Bawanna home abuse fund to support future bawanna abuse.

I was so happy to go back to work today until I got here and saw the huge pile. Now retirement is looking better. Maybe alone as your neighbor?

[Dietrich]

Many times marital bliss has made me yearn for the sweet release that death brings.The words "Till death do us part" in the wedding vows is actually the only part that deals with hope for us poor, wretched husbands.As I have stated before,I love my wife so much that sometimes I could hit her in the head with an axe. I have read there is a sign over the gates of hell that reads "Abandon all hope ye who enter here".That sign would be better placed over the doorway to wedding chapels.Best,Dietrich.

[MikeyKahr]

Hoarding

Dear Dietrich,

I have a friend who has a serious hoarding "problem". He has stockpiled at least 15,000 reloaded bullets ready to go with supplies to reload at least 9,000 more. Yet he refuses to share. What possible things can a guy do to get on his friend's good side to share the wealth?

Signed,
Ammo Hungry in Hungary

[Dietrich]

Dear Dietrich,

I have a friend who has a serious hoarding "problem". He has stockpiled at least 15,000 reloaded bullets ready to go with supplies to reload at least 9,000 more. Yet he refuses to share. What possible things can a guy do to get on his friend's good side to share the wealth?

Signed,
Ammo Hungry in Hungary

I would suggest a couple of 19 year old Tahitian maidens along with airfare.

[mightymouse]

Dear Dietrich,
Sometimes I take my new Kahr into the "reading room" instead of the paper. I've read the minimal words on the slide a hundred times, yet still find it fascinating.
My wife claims I'll go blind. Does she mean shoot my eye out? Am I developing an unhealthy relationship?

Sign me
The Potty Pistolero

[Dietrich]

Dear Dietrich,
Sometimes I take my new Kahr into the "reading room" instead of the paper. I've read the minimal words on the slide a hundred times, yet still find it fascinating.
My wife claims I'll go blind. Does she mean shoot my eye out? Am I developing an unhealthy relationship?

Sign me
The Potty Pistolero

Dear PP, No unhealthy relationship at all.There are several myths about certain activities making a man go blind.As with all the others, my advice is to keep doing it until you need glasses.

[MikeyKahr]

A followup

Dear PP, No unhealthy relationship at all.There are several myths about cetain activities making a man go blind.As with all the others, my advice is to keep doing it until you need glasses.

A followup, dear Dietrich - what is your advice for those of us that already have need of glasses!?