Dear Dietrich

[Dietrich]

OMG Dietrich,

I think I just soiled my pants have reading you last words of wisdom I am still ROFL!

Glad you enjoyed it Coot.We aim to please.

[melissa5]

Quite frankly,I`m appalled.This is serious stuff here young lady.Also,you should be well aware that swallowing Coke is far better than spraying your keyboard down with it.Oh,that reminds me of an old Dietrich family adage.
If the stork brings babies,then what brings no babies?
A swallow.

[Willieboy]

Why, why, why?

Dear Dietrich,

Why is it that whenever I find something I'd previously misplaced, it is always in the last place I look? It is so frustrating and time consuming.

[Dietrich]

Dear Dietrich,

Why is it that whenever I find something I'd previously misplaced, it is always in the last place I look? It is so frustrating and time consuming.

Elementary, my dear Willieboy.if you kept on looking after you found it,it wouldn`t be in the last place you looked,would it?

[Bawanna]

Damn, this guys good!

[sonofodin]

Dear Dietrich...

I took your advice and drank all my scotch and bourbon and went to the park showing off my huge gun. Before I knew it, the cops showed up and took me to jail. Am I doing something wrong? The only person interested was a large gorilla.


The Lost Irishman

[Dietrich]

I took your advice and drank all my scotch and bourbon and went to the park showing off my huge gun. Before I knew it, the cops showed up and took me to jail. Am I doing something wrong? The only person interested was a large gorilla.


The Lost Irishman

Dear Lost Irishman,Of course you`re not doing anything wrong.That poor gorilla needs some lovin` too.Don`t be selfish.As I said before,you`re on the right path.

[MW surveyor]

Dear Dietrich,

I just got back to Houston from Mexico after being gone since the 8th of May. The wife is not at home and is visiting the grand kids in Baton Rouge (6 hour drive from here). Kinda quiet here in the house. I seem to like it. I can do whatever I want without having to ask SHMBO. Got a pizza in the oven, after that will probably go out to the shed and do some reloading for the 1911 and probably go out to the range tomorrow.

Here's my problem. I called her when I got in and talked her into staying until Sunday. Should I call back and tell her that it may be better for her to stay in Baton Rouge until Tuesday so that she doesn't have to drive during the holiday?

Like'n the peace and quiet,

MW surveyor

[Dietrich]

I suggest you strike while the iron is hot.It`s just a hop,skip and a jump between Memorial Day and the fourth of July.Show her how much you truly care and get her to stay in Louisiana at least until the 7th or 8th of July.No sense in her getting mixed up with all the crazies during those holidays.You will come across as a caring and thoughtful spouse.Trust me.I know women.Until she gets back,party down.

[Bawanna]

Dear Dietrich,

I don't think my wife knows where Baton Rouge is. Whats the best way to get her to go look for it? Hopefully taking her time, alot of time, all the time she wants or I want which is a long time.

Sincerely I need quiet time too.

PS- I don't do pizza, what do I eat?

[MW surveyor]

Dietrich

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will do exactly what you said. The wife however may have plans of her own and also may wonder what the heck is this all about. I've got to leave next weekend again for another two weeks. Maybe if she comes home, stays home for two weeks and then goes back to BR for another week the day I'm supposed to come back in? Somebody's got to clean the house and she knows that I'm no good for that. What do you think?

Bawanna - pizza recipe - turn on oven and pre-heat to 425 degrees, take pizza out of the freezer, remove wrapping, stick in oven for 21 minutes, take out and enjoy!

[Dietrich]

Dietrich

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will do exactly what you said. The wife however may have plans of her own and also may wonder what the heck is this all about. I've got to leave next weekend again for another two weeks. Maybe if she comes home, stays home for two weeks and then goes back to BR for another week the day I'm supposed to come back in? Somebody's got to clean the house and she knows that I'm no good for that. What do you think?

Bawanna - pizza recipe - turn on oven and pre-heat to 425 degrees, take pizza out of the freezer, remove wrapping, stick in oven for 21 minutes, take out and enjoy!

Yes,if you`ve got to be gone for two weeks get her to come back and clean while you`re gone.Wouldn`t hurt for her to cook some meals for you that can be frozen and cooked in the microwave or the conventional oven when you return.You don`t want to eat pizza every night,not good for the digestive function.If she balks at your suggestions,show her who`s boss.Women are wonderful to have around but require a firm hand.Like spirited horses,they respond well to the whip and the spur.

[MW surveyor]

Dietrich

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Your advice thread is exactly what this forum has been missing.

Enjoying the silence,

MW surveyor

[yqtszhj]

Originally Posted by CPO15
Dear Dietrich; Why do they call 'em GRAPE Nuts???

That reminds me of a question that I always have after seeing the male enhancement commercials.

Interesting thought. I think if I thought of grapes after one of those commercials, I think the next thing that would come to mind would be raisins...

[yqtszhj]

Dear Dietrich

My daughter is getting married in a mere 8 weeks. The guys good. (still alive). But my wife is already showing signs of becoming a bridezilla or whatever a mother of the bride that expects the world to stop so we can do wedding stuff. Yesterday she made me stop work on Melissa's spalted maple handles and cut out invitation announcements. Then picked apart my every effort. As usual she'll want our hovel to look like street of dreams. People know we're poor slobs, why do we have to impress people.

Is it wrong of me to want to deliver a ladder, vehicle with full tank of arab oil and a card wishing them their best on their elopement.
Actually she's already shacking up with him and its a one story house, so a freaking step stool would suffice.

On top of all that I had to pay for 5 tux rentals so we can be miserable and uncomfortable and look like trained monkeys or penquins.

Please help.

Bawanna,
I need to quit being busy and check this forum more often. I can help you with this one. Tell your daughter to tell the future groom that she just found out that she is part filipino and that being the case the wedding is paid for by the GROOM.

I have already told my daughter to use this line because she is 50% filipino and we are rounding up. The dude pays. I also told my sons they are 50% american so we are rounding that direction with them so don't come asking for any money.

I already paid when I got married so that's it for me (unless the wife tells me different and we do what she says because I don't want to end up like Donald Duck w/ no need for the towel as Dietrich co tactfully explained in a previous post .)

Hope this helps.